Thank You, World Book Encyclopedia

You Created A Monster

I grew up in small town Wisconsin in the 1980s.

In the before times.

Before the internet times.

We had a good little public school system, but I wasn’t exactly an honor roll student.

Regardless of my standing at school, people thought I was smart.

“He’s so smart!” they would say.

Also, “He’s so arrogant!”

Blame the World Book Encyclopedia.

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There is one reason and one reason only the good townsfolk of Menomonie, WI, thought I was smart:

My dad bought an entire set of the World Book Encyclopedia in 1979.

And probably more importantly, the internet didn’t exist.

There literally wasn’t anything else to do…

… so I read...

… The Whole.

Dang.

Thing.

Multiple. Times.

There were arcades, which were awesome, but the quarters always ran out…

… and the World Book Encyclopedia was always waiting back at home.

I don’t know how or why my parents got this set. They weren’t rich… Maybe they bought it piece by piece at the grocery store?

It WAS a beauty of a set. The brown and black set with gold gilt. Okay, it was kind of ugly.

It adorned the front shelf in a place of respect. A place befitting the World Book.

I read The World Book constantly. What else was there to do? My dad was in charge of the TV “clicker” and only gave the clicker up if he was out of the house.

So I read the World Book.

When I was bored, which was usually, I would grab a volume off the shelf and sit and read. Sit in various places. The most obvious seat being the most read place.

I wasn’t well read. No, sir. Just well read in World Book.

How weird would that be to see a kid sitting around reading an actual encyclopedia today?

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The World Book Encyclopedia is, unfortunately, known as a lower-end, dumbed down, kid-centric encyclopedia.

I’m sure the smarter, richer, more arrogant families of Wisconsin had Encyclopedia Britannica on their front shelf.

Regardless, if you read the entire World Book, you will to seem smart to adults.

And arrogant.

Even today.

Not that anybody is going to do that.

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In case you were interested, the good people down at the World Book, Inc. are still printing the World Book Encyclopedia. And it’s only $1,200 for the set!!

I was thinking about getting one, but I’m no thousandaire! Also, I live on the 3rd floor and I don’t want the FedEx guy to stab me.

So, thank you World Book.

I salute you!

You created an arrogant monster.

The End