The Unexpected Exorcist: Episode 24
The Unexpected Exorcist: Episode 24
The Oregon Connection
Recap
Last time on The Unexpected Exorcist: Director Kyabse Jinpa of the DED defeated the demonic familiars, Chet and Janey Larrabee. They both disappeared into the Hellhole. The victory came at a high cost: Rabbi Adam Green was also dragged into the Hellhole and Father Andersen is still missing.
Today we catch up with DED Special Agents Uziel Axe and Sister Catherine who are on a commercial flight from DC to Portland, Oregon.
If you’re just starting out reading The Unexpected Exorcist, CLICK HERE for Episode 1
<Episode 23 | Table of Contents | Episode 25>
New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday at 3 PM PDT!!
- Adam Lutzi Rockwell
United Airlines 737 Aircraft - Mid-flight
BING
The seatbelt sign turned off.
Uziel and Sister Catherine sat in the back row of a United Airlines 737 flight to Portland, Oregon. Their seats just in front of the toilets. The plane was completely full.
Uziel wore his full suit, demon-glasses and black N-95 mask. He stared out the window. Sister Catherine was in her usual brown habit but also wore a black N-95 mask.
“Remember, it was our choice to fly domestic,” said Sister Catherine.
“I can barely fit into this seat,” said Uziel.
He pulled his mask off and took a deep breath in.
“What are you doing? You have like an eighty-five percent chance of catching the flu if you don’t keep that mask on.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He put it back on.
“We’ll take the government plane back, deal?” she asked.
“Yes. Now can you please tell me why we’re going to Oregon.”
She whispered over to him, “Demon investigation. If it pans out, we’re authorized to descend it.”
“To what it?”
“Exorcise it straight to Hell.”
“I thought we were supposed to catch these damn things.”
“Not this one. No more questions here.”
“Fine. Ever been to Oregon?”
“Just twice, on work.”
“Good microbrews.”
“So I hear.”
Uziel looked around the cabin and shook his head. “Can you scooch? I gotta’ go.” He was already beginning to stand.
“Again? You just went before we took off.”
“I drank a Grande black just before we left.”
“AND that entire bottle of water when we got on board?”
“I told you I needed the aisle.”
Sister Catherine moved completely into the aisle to let Uziel by. “At least we’re right next to the bathrooms,” she said.
“Yes indeed.” Uziel was practically jumping.
“I was being sarcastic.”
“You don’t say?”
A bathroom door opened and Uziel rushed in.
After going, he took a deep breath. He was really crammed into the small restroom.
He took a big handful of water and splashed his face. “Wake up, wake up,” he muttered to himself and slapped his cheeks.
Uziel was prone to panic attacks and hated flying. He took a few more deep breaths and exited the little bathroom. He had some trouble with the handle but jiggled it and it opened.
Standing on the other side of the door was a muscular, bald man wearing a cutoff black shirt, camouflage shorts, and flip flops. In the middle of winter, he was out of place. He shined with a dull red aura. It pierced Uziel’s brain. He’d forgotten to put his glasses back on.
The possessed man just pushed past Uziel without a word. As he moved by Uziel, their hands grazed one another and Uziel got a jolt.
Standing in front of him was a two-foot tall, glowing red imp. It resembled a human baby, but had horns, over-sized eyes, razor teeth, claws, and little goat legs. It looked up at Uziel, through Uziel, and just as fast as he was in the Void looking down at the little demon, he was back on the airplane.
The big man locked the bathroom from inside. Uziel just stood there. Dumbfounded. Was he supposed to do something?
He quickly took his seat and whispered into Sister Catherine’s ear, “A demon just passed me going into the bathroom. What should we do?”
“Why are your glasses off?”
“Right,” he said, grabbing them out of his pocket and putting them back on. Immediately the pain in his head dissipated. “What are we going to do, yo?”
She spoke softly. “Take it down a notch, would you? It might hear us.”
“Okay.”
“What did it look like?” she asked.
“I touched the guy’s hand as we brushed by each other and suddenly I was standing… well, I don’t know how to explain it exactly. I stood on a black floor and everything was black. I don’t even know if I was there…”
“That’s the Spirit-Realm. The plane where humans, demons, and angels can interact. It is to be avoided if you haven’t trained for it. Father Andersen was right; we need to get you some gloves.”
“It was just like my dream the other night.”
“What do you mean, the other night? Why didn’t you tell me that? Did you speak to anybody there? Anything?”
The plane bumped in some turbulence and the seatbelt sign came on but they ignored it.
“I thought it was just a dream. I talked to a white crow. Didn’t know I had to report my dreams.”
“A white crow? Oh my God,” said Sister Catherine. “We are going to have to have a conversation with Director Jinpa when we get back to DC. This is serious. And yes, you do need to write up an after-action report from any dream that takes you to the Spirit-Plane.”
“Really? I have to write up my dreams? Come on.”
“What did the demon look like?” she asked, ignoring him.
“I said a white crow.”
“Not the crow. The demon in the bathroom.”
“It was a class-two imp, Uziel, nothing to worry about,” said Uziel’s guardian angel. Todd.
“Thanks, Todd,” Uziel said to nobody.
“Don’t mention it. I’ll be here if you need any further assistance,” said Todd.
“Todd is like having a built-in Alexa. He says it’s a class-two imp. Nothing to worry about.”
“We need to have a training session regarding Todd as well.”
“I think I might need a training session for just about everything.”
“You do need training in everything. Throwing you into the field like this is a bit… Did you say class-two?”
“Yes. A bit what?” he asked.
“Never mind. We should keep an eye on the imp. You never know with all the demonic activity we’ve been tracking across the country.”
“Is it dangerous?” asked Uziel.
“Those things usually just act as couriers and gophers. The interns of the demon world. They often flock around bigger demons, but usually leave well enough alone. Probably just hitching, not possessing.”
“They can do that?”
“Yes, they can. This gives me an idea. We can use it as a practice exorcism after we land since we haven’t had time for a practice exorcism at HQ. Good to start with an imp.”
“Let’s not forget that I already exorcised a class-one demon? Am I right?”
She rolled her eyes. “You did, but you didn’t capture it. It’s still out there somewhere. I need to show you how to do a demon trap. It’s important. You need to know how to do things the correct way.”
“Alright, let’s do it then,” he said.
“Keep an eye on that thing during the flight. Make sure it doesn’t try anything.”
“Will do, captain,” said Uziel.
“Don’t call me captain.”
“Aye, aye.”
They could clearly hear the toilet flush on the other side of the wall.
“These are just wonderful seats you picked,” he said.
“Shh.” She hushed. “Here he comes. Act normal.”
As the possessed man walked by them, he slowly glanced over and raised a lip, eyeballing Sister Catherine. She just smiled angelically at the demon.
The possessed man kept moving. He sat ten rows ahead of them on the opposite side, aisle seat. After it sat, it just stared forward, unmoving. It didn’t even read the in-flight magazine.
Uziel sat on the aisle seat staring at the man for the rest of the flight. Occasionally, the man would swat the back of his bald head as if a fly had landed on him. He would turn around and search behind him. Uziel immediately would look away or down at his phone.
Uziel whispered to Sister Catherine, “Can he see me?”
“No, most demons can’t see seers.”
“It keeps looking back towards me.”
“It can sense that you’re here but doesn’t know which of the passengers you are. Be calm.”
It was seven PM when they landed. The rain was coming down hard, creating a drumbeat on the plane.
As soon as the plane rolled to a stop, all of the passengers immediately stood and began getting their bags, but the imp just sat looking forward. Almost as if it didn’t know what to do. The procedures of the plane seemed to confuse it.
When the two hippies sitting next to it tried to get past, he didn’t budge. They practically had to crawl over him to get into the aisle.
“What should we do, Sister Catherine? He isn’t doing anything.”
“Be patient. It’s probably just waiting for the people to clear off the plane. When he gets up, we move. Follow from a distance.”
Before long, everyone was off the plane except the imp. The pilots had even exited the plane. Then it was just them and one skinny female flight attendant.
She walked right past the man to Uziel and Sister Catherine. “I’m gonna’ need you two to exit the plane now, is that alright?” Very valley girl.
Sister Catherine immediately held up her badge. “Miss, I’m actually going to need you to exit the plane and lock the door behind you. We have business with that gentleman up there,” she pointed at the man. “Thank you for your cooperation. We shouldn’t be long.”
“I’m sorry?” She was terribly confused.
Uziel read her name tag. “Alyssa, we are with the Department of Homeland Security. For your safety, I need you to exit the plane. Follow me.”
He liked his new authority.
Uziel took Alyssa gently by the arm and escorted her past the man. As they passed by him he finally broke out of his trance and looked up at Uziel who moved the flight attendant quickly to the front. The man growled at them as they passed by.
Sister Catherine was already standing behind him in the aisle.
Sister Catherine yelled to Alyssa, “Have security cordon off the plane. We’ll subdue the subject. Out in a minute!”
“Okay!” she yelled and quickly exited the plane, swinging the door shut behind her and locking it.
Uziel took a few steps towards the man. “What’s the plan?” he yelled to Sister Catherine.
The man stepped into the aisle. He was the same height as Uziel but with bigger muscles.
“Get him on the ground, would you?” Sister Catherine yelled. She pulled out her pouch of stones. “Like you do in one of your little cage fights.”
The man approached Uziel quickly. Uziel backed up with quick footwork. The aisle was tight for both men and both were ready for a fight.
“Sister, this might be an imp, but this guy isn’t!” yelled Uziel.
“Use that kickboxing you’re always bragging about.”
“Bragging?”
The man grunted and grabbed Uziel and put him into a bear hug, lifting him up off the ground.
Sister Catherine laughed.
“Come on, man!” yelled Uziel. The man squeezed harder. “Jesus!”
Uziel stuck his thumb in the man’s right eye. The imp released him immediately, grabbing his eye and wailing in pain.
“What are you waiting for, Uziel? Put him in a head lock or something!”
“Okay!” Uziel kicked the man squarely in the middle of the chest, sending him to the floor. He was then on him and quickly pinned him to the floor.
Sister Catherine approached from behind, knelt and held a small, reddish diamond to the center of the man’s forehead. She crossed herself and looked up at Uziel, “Okay, this is what we call a demon trap, but this is just a simple example. For the bigger demons we would need a full hexagram and a larger stone.”
Uziel struggled to keep the man on the ground. “I appreciate the lesson… but… could you just do your thing already?”
“This is a participatory activity, Agent Axe. Do you see where I’m holding the diamond?”
“Yes!” he yelled. The man pushed Uziel up and back but Uziel was right back on top of him. Much more force this time. He held him with his legs as well. “What now?”
“I need you to press your Seal of Solomon just under the stone. Push it right into his forehead,” she said.
He reached up and pushed his pinky ring hard into the man’s forehead. It immediately started to smoke and burn. The man screamed and hissed but Uziel continued to hold him tight.
Uziel almost puked from the smell of burning flesh and sulfur.
“Okay, here you go,” he pulled up the ring. Under the ring was the burnt image of the Seal of Solomon branded into the forehead. Sister Catherine moved the ruby to the center of the seal.
“Now,” said Sister Catherine. “The salt.”
Uziel checked his belt. There were five different salts. “Which one?”
“Doesn’t matter with an imp. Dealer’s choice.”
He grabbed the closest vial, a fine pink Himalayan salt that had been blessed by Director Jinpa himself. Uziel held the vial up in the air. He uncorked it with his teeth and proceeded to dump the entire bottle, all five ounces, directly into the man’s face and eyes.
The demon screamed and punched Uziel in the side of his ribs. Uziel groaned, but within a few seconds, the red aura from the imp moved like a lightning bolt from the man into the diamond.
“Got it! Good work! I’m going to give you a gold star,” said Sister Catherine smiling.
The man lay on the ground unconscious.
“Wait, did you dump the entire bottle of demon salt on it?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“That amount of salt could have been used to trap over a hundred of these imps!”
“How was I supposed to know that?” he yelled back.
“I thought it would be common sense.”
Sister Catherine pulled out a plain gold locket, opened it, and popped the diamond in.
“Then maybe put it in a saltshaker so it’s easier to control!” he yelled. “This guy must weigh two-hundred and fifty pounds.”
“Saltshaker… not a bad idea.”
Sister Catherine went to the back of the plane and got two bottles of water.
The man on the ground started coming back to reality.
Sister Catherine threw Uziel a bottle and dropped one on the guy on the floor.
They both walked toward the front door of the plane. Sister Catherine got out her badge. “Come on, let’s get out of here. We need to get to the coast. It’s like a two-hour drive from here.
“Two hours? You gotta’ be kidding me. You can drive. I need some sleep.”
The guy on the floor yelled at them, “What’s going on?”
Sister Catherine turned and said to the man, “You’ll be fine. Just be glad that whatever you did, wherever you were, none of this went further. You’re lucky we were on this plane. If I were you, I’d get to a confessional.”
He strangely seemed to understand. “Yes, Sister,” he said dejectedly.
“Good,” she said.
At the front of the plane Uziel asked, “What was that all about?”
“In order to get infested with an imp, let’s just say you need to do something… bad. Not horrible, but kinda’ hooker while you’re married bad. But I’m getting ahead of myself. We can talk in the car.”
“They’re called sex workers, Sister Catherine.”
“What?”
“You said hooker.”
“Fine, sex worker,” she said. “Now if you don’t mind, if we don’t take care of the problem over on the coast we are all in for a world of hurt.”
She pulled a dossier from her bag and handed it to him. “You’re going to need to read this on the way to Seaside.”
“Great, more homework.”
<Episode 23 | Table of Contents | Episode 25>
New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday at 3 PM PDT!!
"It didn’t even read the in-flight magazine." 😂
You don’t disappoint, Adam.