The Unexpected Exorcist: Episode 26

A Visit To Purgatory

Recap

Last time on The Unexpected Exorcist: Special Agents Uziel Axe and Sister Catherine pulled into the city of Seaside, Oregon. A demonic aura had been spotted on the island lighthouse just offshore. Uziel confirmed it, but they had to wait until morning to make their way out to the Terrible Tilly Lighthouse.

Until then, they’ve gone back to their rooms and do the one thing they dread: Go to sleep.

If you’re just starting out reading The Unexpected Exorcist, CLICK HERE for Episode 1

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New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday at 3 PM PDT!!

- Adam Lutzi Rockwell

The Black Void - Night

As soon as Uziel closed his eyes, he appeared right back in the same place he’d been the night before. Darkness. The Void.

This time he was alone. No white crow.

Nothing.

“Oh, this is just great! I knew if I went to sleep this was going to happen! Hey, Todd!” he yelled. Nothing. “Todd?” Todd was not there.

He was alone in the dark standing on what felt like glass.

What the hell kind of dream is this? Get attacked by demons, and now every time I sleep it’s just a vivid nothingness.  I’d be curious to see how this is affecting my REM sleep. Have to get a new sleep tracker.

He walked forward a few steps. Reached his hand out. Still nothing.

He yelled into the Void, “Is anybody there? Anybody!” Nobody. “Crow, are you around?!”

Nope.

“Good.”

Uziel started to walk. Maybe he would find something. He walked for almost a mile when he stopped. Looked around. Spun in circles. Nothing.

He looked down and realized that he was in his boxers.

He could see himself.

He tried to wake himself up. Slapped his face. That didn’t work.

“What the hell is this place?” he asked nobody. Then, in the far distance, he saw it. A small white light.

Oh great, it is that damn crow again. Maybe I should’ve been quiet.

Uziel decided to sit down. So, he did, and he listened. At first there was nothing. Not a sound. The most quiet he had ever not heard.

He didn’t like quiet.

He turned to face the light that seemed to be moving towards him. Slowly at first, and then it started getting larger.

Then, footsteps.

He looked around for the crow. Nowhere. The thing coming towards him didn’t look like a crow. A moment later it took the form of a person.

The person waved. Still a ways off.

He stood and waved back. “Over here! Over here!” he yelled, jumping up and down.

How long had he been there? An hour? A day? It was impossible to know.

The person was close enough now.

She yelled, “Who is that over there?”

He slapped his forehead. It was Sister Catherine. “Sister, it’s Uzi!”

She stopped briefly and he started jogging towards her. They met somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

She seemed annoyed, as usual. “Uziel, what in God’s good name are you doing in my dream?”

“I’m not in your dream,” he said. “You’re in my dream!”

“This doesn’t make any sense,” she said. She looked around. It was just them. She was in her full habit.

“Why don’t you have any clothes on?” she asked.

“This is how I went to sleep. You sleep in your nun’s suit?”

“I told you, it’s called a habit. And no, I do not.”

“Are you real?” he asked, reaching out his hand, he touched her nose. She swatted his hand away.

“Yes, I’m real!”

“I’m not so sure about that. If you’re real, tell me something that nobody else knows about you except me.”

“We just met like a day ago.”

“Well, what did you drink at the hipster bar you brought me to? No, that won’t work. I already know that one. Tell me something I wouldn’t know about you, and I’ll ask you in the morning.”

She shook her head. “Fine, ask me if I like storm shelters.”

“That’s really weird, Sister, but okay. I’ll ask you. So, what is this? Where are we?”

She examined the void. “I hate to say it, Uziel, but I do believe we are on the Planes of Purgatory.”

“What?” he asked in shock. “Purgatory?’

“I’ve only been here a few times before. Not recently. But that was when a demon… got past my defenses.”

“You mean you got possessed?”

“Yes, but don’t go spreading that around headquarters. It’s embarrassing for an exorcist to get possessed.”

“Hey, I’m sure it’s happened to the best of them. It probably happens to everybody. It hasn’t happened to me, but I’m sure—”

She cut him off mid-sentence. “Can you rest the motor-mouth for a few seconds?”

“Okay.”

She pounded her foot on the ground.

“Wait a minute, how do I know you’re not in my dream?”

“The real question is, how did we get possessed?” asked Uziel. “Wait one damn minute. Are we dead? Don’t Catholics believe that after you die you go to Purgatory?”

“No to both questions. Something is wrong. Something is different here than my past experiences.”

“Different how?

“When I was cast onto the Planes of Purgatory, there were people everywhere. This is just… nothing. We have to figure this out. We have to get out of here.”

“I had this exact same dream last night, just before you showed up at my house,” he said.

Sister Catherine frowned, “I wasn’t in your dream last night.”

“No, but this was exactly the same except dark hands held me down and a white crow told me that I promised I wouldn’t interfere with the demon’s plan because I had an agreement with them. Or something.”

“Your white crow… I’m not exactly sure what that means. Did it elaborate on this agreement of yours?”

“No. It just seemed pissed. Pissed that I broke an agreement with it. But I never made any agreement with any fucking crow. I would remember that.”

“Walk with me,” she said and started out into the void. “None of this makes any sense.”

Uziel hurried to keep up with Sister Catherine, as usual. Even on The Planes of Purgatory she walked fast.

“I just don’t understand how we are both here. Together,” she said.

“Maybe we died in a car wreck on the way over here?”

“Don’t even say something like that, Uzi. It’s creepy. No, we’re alive.”

“How do you know?”

“I just… have a feeling,” she said.

“A feeling. Really?”

“Yes, a feeling. I know. It must be a talisman. We’ve been hexed. I’m sure of it. Do you have something new? Something that you bought recently or were given?”

He thought about it. “No, just the stuff you gave me,” he held up his hand, but the ring was missing. “Oh, right, I take off my jewelry before going to sleep.”

And just then, Uziel realized exactly what it was. He didn’t say anything but she could see it on his face.

“What is it, Uziel?” she asked. “I can tell you know something. You have… a look…”

“Well, Sister Catherine, after I exorcised that demon in Milwaukee, I was having a Cinnabon with Khallid at the food court and—”

“Cut to the chase, man!”

“I found a round black stone in my pocket after I fought that demon. It was pretty cool.”

“You just found it in your pocket?” she practically yelled.

“Yes. In my pocket. I didn’t know how it got there but I really liked it, not that I’ve ever been much of a rock collector. I thought I’d keep it as a good luck charm.”

She covered her eyes with one of her hands. “We might be in here for a while.”

“Why?”

“I think that demon slipped a Summoning Stone into your pocket.”

“A what?”

“That’s what we call it. The stone is imbued with evil. It exists to initiate the oppression phase of possession. These God forsaken demons love dream invasion.”

“Dream invasion?”

“Yes, it’s part of the oppression stage of possession. Keeps you from sleeping. Helps get one of their Legion into your noggin’.”  She tapped his forehead. “The only question I have is what the hell am I doing in here.”

“I have no idea,” he said.

“Wait a minute. You didn’t bring a Summoning Stone into HQ with you, did you?”

“Um…”

“Did you? Where is the Summoning Stone right now?” she asked angrily.

He looked around innocently, “Now, don’t get mad, Sister, but…”

“Where, Uziel?!”

“It’s on my nightstand. Right next to my bed.”

“No wonder we’re both in the same place! I’m right on the other side of the wall from that God forsaken thing.”

“Well, how the hell do we get out of here?”

A loud CAW came from somewhere in the blackness. Sister Catherine scanned the black sky. Nothing. Another CAW.

“Uh-oh,” said Uziel. “Must be the crow.”

Running footsteps echoed through the space. Uziel and Sister Catherine immediately began looking for the source.

“Get away!” the voice yelled as the footsteps got closer and closer to them. “Shoo! Help, somebody help me!”

“I think I see somebody,” said Sister Catherine. She pointed, “There in the distance. He’s being chased.”

“Yup, it’s that freaking crow. It’s chasing some dude.”

The shape of a man took form, the white crow dive bombing him. When he got closer, Sister Catherine immediately recognized the man. “Rabbi Green? Duck!” The crow swooped down and the Rabbi hit the deck. The crow disappeared up into the blackness.

Rabbi Green stood, scanning the sky for the crow, “Sister Catherine? That’s a crow, not a duck. How in the heck are you here? Did they get you too?”

Sister Catherine was confused. “No… we entered The Void… or whatever this is… by different means.”

“By what means?”

“Our newest agent was slipped a Summoning Stone by a class-one. This…” said Sister Catherine, “… is Agent Uziel Axe. We’ve been trapped in here for a couple of hours. I think. Maybe longer.”

“The famous Uziel Axe, the newest Seer to emerge!” said Rabbi Green. “It is a pleasure to meet you, if under strange circumstances.”

The two shook hands. “That crow almost got you. You gotta’ watch out for that thing.”

“Rabbi,” said Sister Catherine. “How are you here?”

Rabbi Green paced, disturbed. He put his hand to his chin. “A demonic familiar pulled me into a Hellhole. And I ended up… here. But it’s not just me. Our pilot, Major Wilkinson, was here as well, but he was just babbling nonsense. Eventually he just disappeared into the void. I tried to talk reason to him but he was gone. Mentally. Before I could do anything, that dang crow showed up and I started running. Haven’t seen him since.”

“Major Wilkinson must have made the transition. Either back to the Earth-Plane or…”

“I don’t even want to say it,” said Rabbi Green “Godspeed, Major.”

Sister Catherine crossed herself.

Uziel paced. “I can’t believe this, it’s insane. The pilot who disappeared off our plane is here? Was here? Where’d he go?”

“The Devil moves in mysterious ways, we’ll have to contact him via seance when we get back to HQ,” said Sister Catherine. “Now let’s figure out how to get out of here.”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” said Rabbi Green.

The crow suddenly reappeared and landed at their feet. Each of them took a step back, standing around the ethereal bird.

The crow turned to Uziel, “Uziel Axe, I was sent for you. Either reaffirm your allegiance to Legion or I have been instructed to drag your soul to Hell.” It stared at him, waiting for a response.

Rabbi Green looked at Uziel, “You made an allegiance to Legion?”

“Hell no,” said Uziel. “I don’t even know what that is. I didn’t sell my soul to the devil or whatever. I have no idea what this stupid bird is talking about! Or why it’s talking at all!” Uziel was truly angry.

“Stop this charade!” yelled the crow. “Reaffirm or suffer the consequences!”

“Jesus Christ. This bird… am I right?” he said looking over at Sister Catherine.

He looked back down at the white crow. “Listen, bird, I didn’t agree to anything.”

“You gave your word that you would stay out of the fight between human and Hell. You have not kept up your end of the bargain!”

“I didn’t do anything! Now let us out of here!”

Without warning, Uziel cocked his foot back and kicked the bird as hard as he could. It disappeared into a poof of white feathers.

An unseen voice, the voice of the crow burst into their minds, “You have made your choice, Uziel Axe. Legion, pull them all to Hell! All of them!”

“God, this thing is bossy,” said Uziel just as unseen hands reached from under them, pulling Rabbi Green and Sister Catherine to the ground immediately. Uziel couldn’t see the hands and jumped as soon as he felt one.

Rabbi Green screamed, “Help! They’re pulling me to Hell!”

Uziel kicked at the hands but was quickly overwhelmed. The hands got hold of his legs and had him pinned quickly.

The crow reappeared, illuminating the entire area. They could see black, human-like arms reaching up from everywhere like tentacles. The crow laughed.

Everyone kicked and screamed as the hands pulled them under. The crow jumped over to Uziel and stood on his chest looking into his eyes as Uziel disappeared into the black floor.

It laughed at him some more.

Uziel felt himself being pulled down through what he imagined how quicksand would feel. He couldn’t breathe. He grabbed at his throat.

And then he was falling and screaming.

His lungs burned.

His soul was in free fall.

Not that he believed in that.

Best Western Hotel - Uziel’s Room

Uziel screamed and screamed and opened his eyes. He lay in his Best Western bed covered in sweat screaming and grabbing at his throat.

Another scream came from his bathroom.

Then pounding at the adjoining door.

A dim sunlight came through the open shades.

“Uziel!” Sister Catherine’s voice came through the door. “Open the door!”

Uziel caught his breath and stopped screaming.

Rabbi Green stumbled out of the bathroom fully clothed. “Where the heck am I?” yelled the Rabbi. “What is going on?”

“That was real?” screamed Uziel.

He ran over and opened the adjoining door. Sister Catherine stood wearing her full habit. She did a double take at Rabbi Green standing behind Uziel but was completely calm and collected.

“Both of you, calm yourselves!” she said, walking in from the other room. “Uziel, put a robe on please.”

“Okay,” he said, going to the closet and grabbing the white hotel robe. It reminded him of the crow.

The phone rang. All three jumped. Sister Catherine walked over to it. It rang again.

She took a breath and picked up the receiver. Listened. “I’m so sorry, my son was having a nightmare. If you could apologize for us, that would be great. Sorry for the noise…. Yes, thank you so much,” and she hung up.

Sister Catherine walked past Rabbi Green to the other side of the bed and found what she was looking for.

The Summoning Stone.

She picked it up between her thumb and index finger and examined it.

She looked around the room for something, thinking.

Then, she spotted it. She walked over to the bathroom area and picked up the clothes iron. She set the stone on the hard floor and raised the iron above her head.

“Wait, Sister Catherine!” yelled Uziel. “We could research it! Or something! Don’t—”

She looked over at him. Briefly considered it, and then brought the iron down flat on top of it.

Hard.

The Summoning Stone exploded into dust.

“Sister,” said Uziel. “Do you like storm shelters?”

“Why would you ask me something like that!”

“What?”

“Just kidding, of course I don’t like storm shelters.”

Uziel didn’t get it.

That’s when she knew he hadn’t Googled her name and she liked him a little more for it.

Best Western - Breakfast Restaurant

Uziel, Sister Catherine, and Rabbi Green sat around a small breakfast table drinking coffee. The sun shone into the hotel restaurant. They looked like they’d been drinking all night.

“I have never heard of teleportation via Hellhole, it’s not in any of the texts. The only place I’ve heard of teleportation is Star Trek,” said Sister Catherine.

“Hellholes are rare and have never been appropriately studied,” said Rabbi Green.

Uziel just sat back and drank his coffee. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his demon glasses and put them on. “Can somebody turn down the sun?”

Sister Catherine turned to Uziel, “Why did that… crow… say that you had an agreement with Legion?”

“I never made any agreement, I said I have no idea what it was talking about.”

“It said that he made the agreement but didn’t elaborate, Sister,” Rabbi Green chimed in. “Since Agent Axe cannot remember, this sounds like a question for Shelly. He’s blocked.”

“I’m not into headshrinkers,” said Uziel.

“She’s good,” said Rabbi Green. “She can really get past blocking trauma.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what to think with everything that’s been going on the past few days,” said Sister Catherine. She looked down at her Timex. “It’s almost eight. We better head out. Tight schedule.”

“I’m still waiting on my omelet!” said Uziel.

“Eat one of your Power Bars,” said Sister Catherine. “Adam, I’m going to ask you to stay back at the hotel. You need some rest. We’ll take care of cleaning the lighthouse.”

“The Terrible Tilly. I’ve always wanted to get out there and have a look around, but I’m terribly tired.” said Rabbi Green.

“Join the club,” said Uziel. “I’m all out of Power Bars.”

Sister Catherine handed him a Snickers Bar.

“Thanks.”

“Where’s my candy bar?” asked Rabbi Green. She put her hand into her large habit pocket and pulled out two more.

They all walked down the hallways eating Snickers Bars.

As they walked past the front desk, the clerk did a double take

<Episode 25 | Table of Contents | Episode 27>

New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday at 3 PM PDT!!

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