I had a first-grade teacher like that. In her case, the first week of school, she decided to lead us through the alphabet, asking us assembled snot-dribblers “Do you know a word that begins with… When it cane to “b,” she expected “ball” or “boy” or “bored.” Incipient paleontologist me throws out “Brontosaurus.” (This was 1972, before we were forcefully lectured that Brontosaurus was really Apatosaurus with a wrong head and decades before paleontologists realized that “Brontosaurus” was a valid name after all.)
“How do you spell it?”
Being a savant in paleontological matters, I spelled it out.”
“That’s not a real word. You’re making it up.”
Oh, that was a mistake. The next day, we went to the school library for the first time, and I asked the librarian where I could find dinosaur books. I then went back to my teacher, showed her the book, opened it to a double-page spread of Brontosaurus (still in the painfully obsolete view of it floating in water to support its great bulk), and pointed at the name. “See?”
I was thereby banned from checking out any of the dinosaur books.
Not to say that I continued with a campaign of vindictiveness that would have appalled Harlan Ellison, nor that considering both my dissimilarity to anyone else in my immediate family and some of the weirdos my mother hung around with, I’m reasonably sure that Harlan was my real father. When I got my first writing credits, many were for writing about paleontology, so I tracked down my old teacher and made sure she got copies. When I actually got a magazine column where I could expound on paleontology, I made sure she got a subscription. When she died, I was too late to send a dinosaur flower arrangement, but I’m thinking about dropping off a few the next time I’m in Michigan, just to confuse everyone else at the cemetery. Vindictive? You BETCHA.
This is the kind of vindictiveness I can get behind! Love it. Would do it. Why were the teachers like this! I had so many weird petty teachers that did so many similar things.
I had a disagreement with a teacher, in the 60's that "especially" was used correctly in a sentence I wrote in English class. She said "No, "specially" is the word you should have used. I'm in my late, late, late 60's and I still remain indignant.
LOL! I once confused "course" and "coarse" as a freshman in college and didn't quickly correct it and was looked down on by the professor for the next four years...
I need to become a teacher and just be like, "Whatever man." 😄
Oh . . . that poor child, what a horrible teacher. Meanness has ZERO place in any school, especially with the littlest ones. Sounds like your classmate was clever and spontaneous and what a lost opportunity to nurture and guide that (not into telling lies, but being creative). Hitzel is a great name for a meanie, btw. P.S. Good for you for trying the experiment, too. I might have tried the same.
Thank you, Adam, for completely destroying my serious concentration on a Saturday afternoon.
There I was, hard at work on my taxes, when I took a break to peruse anything new on substack. When I got to Mrs. Hitzel's unexpected slap I laughed out loud, waking up the beagles quietly sleeping on the couch.
Poor Thaddeus! Hope he is doing well in the pen.
A brief memory:
In high school senior English, the first day of class, Mr. Riggs wrote words on the blackboard: Alternative, Avuncular, Automatic (or something like those). He asked: "Do these words alliterate?" and looked to me expectantly. 24 fellow students turned their gazes upon me.
I said, "No, sir. They... [pause]... They assonate."
He had set me up, and everybody knew it, but it was a delicious moment.
Thanks for reading, Curt! 😺 Glad you enjoyed it. Also, TAXES! No thanks today but I have to do that soon. I didn't know what alliterate meant until I was 35... I have always thought I should send old Thad a care package to the Wisconsin penitentiary.
I finished my taxes and filed them already, Hah! // I'm pretty sure Mr. Riggs did that exercise in English class bc he and I had recently discussed alliteration v assonance. //My regards to Thad.
This was so funny. I loved your jab about an EO requiring the slapping of all kindergartners. I’m a bit older and went to a Catholic grade school. The nuns back then used yardsticks. I can remember a few of them being broken from the force of their hit.
I think I would have bought a new stove as I cannot imagine the mess that would have made. And your notes at the end especially the first one. My daughter, who is now fifty, still tells everyone she flunked kindergarten. Thanks so much for this laugh out loud post. It was just what I needed.
Thanks so much, Monica, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I too am fifty, and can't help but tell everybody that I flunked (was held back by parents who cared) kindergarten, LOL :-)
Being broken is crazy! We had a few teachers that would wack us on the hands with a ruler, but never saw one break!!
In those days, discipline. Today, a felony - lock ‘em up and throw away the keys. Then you ultimately have classroom shootings and a total disregard for rules, procedures and laws. Oh well, ho hum 😔
Thaddeus had the makings of a great politician. Right down to the face slap.
Nope 😂 going to google, in case called something else. Oh just looked and do sell them over here now, think as a kid it wasn't called that, just craft supplies.
Even better: you don’t even need formal Shrinky-Dinks kits any more. Most craft shops sell sheets that can be put through an inkjet printer: make them with whatever image you want, and watch them shrink in the oven.
I was born in the U.S., but grew up in Australia - lived there for nine years. In the '60s and '70s, corporal punishment was still a thing and I can remember teachers paddling kids. I once got slapped against the calves with a short cane. Not pleasant. This was at a time when no parent thought anything of a teacher smacking a kid. I understand they've done away with smacking, but boy, there was a time...
Splendid post, Adam! Some teacherly ways transcend time. A bit, cough-cough, older, I had an “old maid teacher with steel edged ruler” for 3rd and 4th grade. And she used it! I escaped with all my fingers. The face smacking (and broken jaw) discipline came along in high school! A story for another evening.
The school board had zero interest in any discipline for the Ag teacher that broke the kid’s jaw. The kid’s serious transgression? Standing up right before the dismissal bell rang. SMH
That is awful. We had an abusive teacher like that in fourth grade who injured teacher and was also a NURSE! It’s probably one of the reasons we did Hippy Homeschool for our kid after elementary (well, that and Covid)
It is the principle of it.
I had a first-grade teacher like that. In her case, the first week of school, she decided to lead us through the alphabet, asking us assembled snot-dribblers “Do you know a word that begins with… When it cane to “b,” she expected “ball” or “boy” or “bored.” Incipient paleontologist me throws out “Brontosaurus.” (This was 1972, before we were forcefully lectured that Brontosaurus was really Apatosaurus with a wrong head and decades before paleontologists realized that “Brontosaurus” was a valid name after all.)
“How do you spell it?”
Being a savant in paleontological matters, I spelled it out.”
“That’s not a real word. You’re making it up.”
Oh, that was a mistake. The next day, we went to the school library for the first time, and I asked the librarian where I could find dinosaur books. I then went back to my teacher, showed her the book, opened it to a double-page spread of Brontosaurus (still in the painfully obsolete view of it floating in water to support its great bulk), and pointed at the name. “See?”
I was thereby banned from checking out any of the dinosaur books.
Not to say that I continued with a campaign of vindictiveness that would have appalled Harlan Ellison, nor that considering both my dissimilarity to anyone else in my immediate family and some of the weirdos my mother hung around with, I’m reasonably sure that Harlan was my real father. When I got my first writing credits, many were for writing about paleontology, so I tracked down my old teacher and made sure she got copies. When I actually got a magazine column where I could expound on paleontology, I made sure she got a subscription. When she died, I was too late to send a dinosaur flower arrangement, but I’m thinking about dropping off a few the next time I’m in Michigan, just to confuse everyone else at the cemetery. Vindictive? You BETCHA.
This is the kind of vindictiveness I can get behind! Love it. Would do it. Why were the teachers like this! I had so many weird petty teachers that did so many similar things.
Same
I had a disagreement with a teacher, in the 60's that "especially" was used correctly in a sentence I wrote in English class. She said "No, "specially" is the word you should have used. I'm in my late, late, late 60's and I still remain indignant.
LOL! I once confused "course" and "coarse" as a freshman in college and didn't quickly correct it and was looked down on by the professor for the next four years...
I need to become a teacher and just be like, "Whatever man." 😄
Yeah! Like we say to our kids, "You'll figure it out" :D
This does my heart good. And I'm positive your real father, Harlan, would be very proud.
Oh . . . that poor child, what a horrible teacher. Meanness has ZERO place in any school, especially with the littlest ones. Sounds like your classmate was clever and spontaneous and what a lost opportunity to nurture and guide that (not into telling lies, but being creative). Hitzel is a great name for a meanie, btw. P.S. Good for you for trying the experiment, too. I might have tried the same.
Thanks Mary! It was a very strange juxtaposition from very funny to shocking. I still wish I could make marbles at home! 😄
Made me laugh so hard, I had to read aloud to my husband the part where Thaddeus presented his marble, and the immediate aftermath! 🤣
Thanks so much Rose! Glad you liked it 😺😄
Thank you, Adam, for completely destroying my serious concentration on a Saturday afternoon.
There I was, hard at work on my taxes, when I took a break to peruse anything new on substack. When I got to Mrs. Hitzel's unexpected slap I laughed out loud, waking up the beagles quietly sleeping on the couch.
Poor Thaddeus! Hope he is doing well in the pen.
A brief memory:
In high school senior English, the first day of class, Mr. Riggs wrote words on the blackboard: Alternative, Avuncular, Automatic (or something like those). He asked: "Do these words alliterate?" and looked to me expectantly. 24 fellow students turned their gazes upon me.
I said, "No, sir. They... [pause]... They assonate."
He had set me up, and everybody knew it, but it was a delicious moment.
Thanks for reading, Curt! 😺 Glad you enjoyed it. Also, TAXES! No thanks today but I have to do that soon. I didn't know what alliterate meant until I was 35... I have always thought I should send old Thad a care package to the Wisconsin penitentiary.
I finished my taxes and filed them already, Hah! // I'm pretty sure Mr. Riggs did that exercise in English class bc he and I had recently discussed alliteration v assonance. //My regards to Thad.
This was so funny. I loved your jab about an EO requiring the slapping of all kindergartners. I’m a bit older and went to a Catholic grade school. The nuns back then used yardsticks. I can remember a few of them being broken from the force of their hit.
I think I would have bought a new stove as I cannot imagine the mess that would have made. And your notes at the end especially the first one. My daughter, who is now fifty, still tells everyone she flunked kindergarten. Thanks so much for this laugh out loud post. It was just what I needed.
Thanks so much, Monica, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I too am fifty, and can't help but tell everybody that I flunked (was held back by parents who cared) kindergarten, LOL :-)
Being broken is crazy! We had a few teachers that would wack us on the hands with a ruler, but never saw one break!!
Oh, the days of class discipline.
In those days, discipline. Today, a felony - lock ‘em up and throw away the keys. Then you ultimately have classroom shootings and a total disregard for rules, procedures and laws. Oh well, ho hum 😔
Thaddeus had the makings of a great politician. Right down to the face slap.
Thanks Ken! I suppose, he’s still in the system for another ten to twenty 😅
Poor kid, but a dangerous lie to spread I guess. TBH I was always a little jealous of show and tell as we didn't really do that here.
It was probably my favorite activity at school 😊 Sometimes I wonder if I can make a marble at home, but probably need a kiln for that 😆
For your edification, you COULD do it in a microwave: https://www.glacialartglass.com/blogs/tips-and-tutorials/blog-everything-you-need-to-know-before-buying-a-microwave-kiln?srsltid=AfmBOorb2o9Z3_AyAqyFzPxfKEmA3nuU6oroylqdyZlTJxxLpNZVjrj1
cool, I did wonder as was watching someone use a microwave to create raku pottery :)
Lol, am not sure an oven could create the heat, may be a microwave... but would still not try it :)
I need to invent a marble making kit, like Shrinky Dinks. People would dig that. Wait, do Shrinky Dinks exist there??
Nope 😂 going to google, in case called something else. Oh just looked and do sell them over here now, think as a kid it wasn't called that, just craft supplies.
lol! I loved those things. Actually, I’m surprised they still exist!
Even better: you don’t even need formal Shrinky-Dinks kits any more. Most craft shops sell sheets that can be put through an inkjet printer: make them with whatever image you want, and watch them shrink in the oven.
I was born in the U.S., but grew up in Australia - lived there for nine years. In the '60s and '70s, corporal punishment was still a thing and I can remember teachers paddling kids. I once got slapped against the calves with a short cane. Not pleasant. This was at a time when no parent thought anything of a teacher smacking a kid. I understand they've done away with smacking, but boy, there was a time...
I think they still have it in parts of the US. I’m against it 😅
Splendid post, Adam! Some teacherly ways transcend time. A bit, cough-cough, older, I had an “old maid teacher with steel edged ruler” for 3rd and 4th grade. And she used it! I escaped with all my fingers. The face smacking (and broken jaw) discipline came along in high school! A story for another evening.
Dang, Gary! That sounds awful. Steel edged. Yikes. AND a broken jaw! I would have been a very compliant student.
The school board had zero interest in any discipline for the Ag teacher that broke the kid’s jaw. The kid’s serious transgression? Standing up right before the dismissal bell rang. SMH
That is awful. We had an abusive teacher like that in fourth grade who injured teacher and was also a NURSE! It’s probably one of the reasons we did Hippy Homeschool for our kid after elementary (well, that and Covid)
I went to kindergarten at 4. So I then graduated at 17. Got married at 19. None of that would have happened if I stayed in kindergarten til age 5. lol
Dang 4! I got held back after I failed kindergarten at 5. I was 18 my whole senior year 😄