The Unexpected Exorcist: Episode 28

The Tillamook Rock Lighthouse, AKA "The Terrible Tilly"

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<Episode 27 | Table of Contents | Episode 29>

New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday at 3 PM PDT!!

- Adam Lutzi Rockwell

The Terrible Tilly Lighthouse

The Tillamook Rock Lighthouse, affectionately known by locals as The Terrible Tilly, sits on a sea stack of basalt rock that juts out of the Pacific Ocean off the north coast of Oregon. The Pacific is incredibly aggressive in that part of the world. Especially in January. Often, waves hitting the Terrible Tilly reach higher than the lighthouse itself.

The sheer amount of life lost in shipwrecks in the area gave somebody the bright idea to build the lighthouse. They thought it would help sailors get to Cape Disappointment without being smashed.

The month before the lighthouse opened in the late 1800s, a ship crashed into the rock itself, killing everyone on board except a dog, which presumably doggy paddled to shore.

A number of workers died building the lighthouse. Officially, the number was three, unofficially it was twenty-seven.

A bright orange Coast Guard chopper waited for Uziel and Sister Catherine on a sandy beach in the south of Seaside. The blades of the chopper had just stopped rotating when they pulled up in their rental vehicle.

The ocean had calmed a bit since the night before. Both were woefully under-dressed for the weather. Luckily, the Coast Guard was ready for them.

The co-pilot of the rescue chopper ran over to them and handed each a big, orange, puffy, waterproof Coast Guard parka. He wore a helmet and had his tinted eye-shield down.

“I’m Warrant Officer John Endlaft. Put these jackets on. Safety first, don’t want you freezing to death out there.”

“Thank you, Mr. Endlaft,” said Sister Catherine.

Uziel yawned. He yawned when he was nervous, and he had never flown in a helicopter before.

A giant wave crashed on the shore that was higher than their heads. “King Tides right now,” said the Warrant Officer. “Going to be a choppy ride.”

They both threw on their jackets. Not only was Uziel nervous, but also extremely tired from their night in Purgatory. His yawns were twice as big as usual.

Uziel and Sister Catherine followed the co-pilot to the helicopter. It was a small MH-65 Dolphin, completely orange with a stripe of white on its tail. It was one of the best helicopters ever designed for the type of landings they were attempting. And rescues at sea.

As soon as they hit the door, the pilot started the chopper blade. It was loud but not deafening.

The co-pilot handed both the DED agents headsets. Sister Catherine immediately put it on. She had done it a hundred times. Uziel fumbled with his. He couldn’t get it on, so she helped him.

“Thanks,” he said. His voice was crystal clear over the Coast Guard channel.

The pilot came on over their channel, “This is Warrant Officer Scott Pelham. I’ll be your pilot today. We are ready for liftoff. Any requests?”

“Ride of the Valkyries?” asked Uziel.

Warrant Officer Pelham rolled his eyes. “I meant for the mission.”

Sister Catherine immediately chimed in, “Circle the island a few times. I want to get a good lay of the land before we touch down.”

“Copy that. We’re in the dark on this mission. We were commanded not to ask any questions, but is there anything we need to know, Agent Queally?”

“Not at this time, thank you, Mr. Pelham.”

“Okay. We’ll lift off, circle the island, and do a rapid landing and dust-off per your request. You will have exactly ninety minutes once your boots are on the ground. A storm is coming in rapidly from the West so don’t be late.”

“No sir,” said Sister Catherine.

“Perfect, let’s get this lunatic mission over. I want to get to the Grange Hall Crab Feed before they run out of claws,” the pilot said as they took off.

Uziel almost lost his breakfast as they took off. A big gust of wind hit them as soon as they lifted off, but the pilot was adept in foul weather.

They flew straight at the island, staying close to the forested Tillamook Head. A sunburst briefly blinded Uziel. It was only a three-minute flight before they were circling the island.

The Terrible Tilly was no longer a working lighthouse. It was a rusted hulk of its former self but had a solid stone base. The light keeper’s home built right into the bottom of the lighthouse. A concrete bunker. The lighthouse itself was a squat little hexagonal metal building. All the glass had blown out years earlier.

Sister Catherine spotted something on the rocks. “Look! Down there!”

Everybody scanned the west side of the island. A small yacht was smashed on the rock. It was mostly in pieces but looked recent.

“Can anybody ID that vessel?” asked Sister Catherine.

“No, it’s not visible. Not much of her left,” said the pilot. “We’ll call it in while you’re out there doing your business on the rock. See if we can get an ID. I’m going to land on the little clearing just to the south of the lighthouse. Careful on egress and we’ll be back to get you in ninety minutes. And don’t be late!”

Black storm clouds lay to the west.

“Roger that. Thanks to both of you,” said Sister Catherine. “See you in ninety.”

Waves of nausea hit Uziel as they circled wildly over the island. He held his mouth. The wind whipped up fast, almost unnaturally.

The helicopter landed hard on the small clearing.

“Go, go, go! Out!” yelled the pilot. The wind was in a fury.

Sister Catherine tossed her helmet onto the seat and jumped out. Uziel jumped out with the helmet still on his head.

The helicopter dusted off quickly and disappeared around the south side of the lighthouse, beelining for shore.

“I always wanted to vacation on a private island,” said Uziel.

---

The waves thundered and crashed hard on the rocks surrounding the lighthouse island. Sea spray drenched Uziel and Sister Catherine almost immediately. Uziel took off the helmet and held it under his arm.

She shouted to him, “Leave those demon glasses on, Uziel! We don’t know what’s up there.”

The small landing field was initially a staging area for workers building the lighthouse. There was a climb up a steeply sloped path and then stairs leading to the actual lighthouse.

“Do you see anything?” asked Sister Catherine.

Uziel scanned the lighthouse. “No. Nothing!”

“Let’s get up there.”

They had to fight against the wind as they climbed the slope and the stairs. Uziel followed closely behind Sister Catherine. They had to press against the wind.

Uziel briefly turned and looked back toward the Oregon shoreline. There was no swimming back. You would freeze to death before making an eighth of a mile if you didn’t die against the rocks.

The stairs were slippery even with their gripping military boots.

The sun peeked out of big white clouds on occasion. Finally, they made it to the top of the stairs. They stood in front of the big concrete bunker of a building.

“It’s smaller than I thought,” Uziel said, looking up at the squat little lantern room on top of the building. “And it’s kind of… junky.” The top of the lighthouse was completely rusted out. Anything made of metal, including the front door’s hinges, were rusted.

The front entrance was a double door, and one of the doors was smashed down.

“Check out that door. Something definitely got in,” said Uziel.

“Yup,” she said. “Stay alert. We need to be more worried about what might’ve gotten out.”

Uziel no longer needed coffee. He was about as awake as he had ever been. Between the cold water and fear of demonic death, he was terrified.

Sister Catherine pulled out a small, but extremely powerful, military-grade flashlight, and held it above her right shoulder. She went inside.

Uziel followed closely, “I don’t have a flashlight. Why don’t I have a flashlight?” He motor-mouthed when he was nervous.

“Shush. What do you see?”

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the big, empty, concrete block room. Nothing. He went to the stairs and peered up to the light room. Still nothing.

“I don’t see a damn thing. The light I saw last night isn’t here anymore.”

“We’re going to have to go down into the vault and see if anything has been disturbed.”

“Where’s the vault?”

She shined her light to the back of the big open room. In the far corner was a big metal door on the floor with a handle. Above it was a symbol painted in black. Almost Egyptian in style. A man with a beard holding a circular object, with a giant set of wings.

“What’s that painted on the wall? Creepy,” he said.

Sister Catherine kept the light on the symbol. “That is the symbol of Faravahar. Zoroastrian. It’s derived from the Assyrian God Ashur. I didn’t know it was here. Makes sense though.”

“Oh really? Do tell.”

“Ahriman is buried down there… well he’s supposed to be kept in the vault,” she said pointing to the metal door. “He was a powerful Zoroastrian demon. He was known in his time as the anti-God.”

“What’s Zoroastrian?”

“Really? Didn’t your education include any history whatsoever?”

“US history.”

“You are going to have some serious studying to do when we get back.”

“Spoken like a true nun.”

She shook her head. “Zoroastrianism is a pre-Islamic religion that came out of Persia.”

“Right… Persia.”

“You know Persia, right?”

“I know some guys who say they’re Persian. They go clubbing with my buddy, Khallid.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. All you need to know is one of our predecessors at the DED captured Ahriman. The devil of yore. It came to the Smithsonian via a Zoroastrian artifact.”

“Did you say… yore?”

“Yes, Uzi, that’s how I talk. YORE.” She made a face at him and got out a pack of Big League Chew and took a plug of the stringy gum. Started chewing.

“Big League Chew? I haven’t had that stuff since elementary school. Can I have some?”

She held the pouch of gum up and he also took a plug.

“Love this stuff!” he said.

The room was dripping from the storm the night before. Uziel scanned it again. Nothing. He looked down. Still nothing.

“Not a thing,” he said. “Maybe it went for a swim last night when we were in Purgatory?”

“Doubt it… but you never know.”

She walked over to the metal door on the ground. A big keyhole was set into the center of the door in the floor.

“Down we go,” she said.

“If there are a bunch of demon stones down there, why don’t I see anything?”

She was already opening the lock with an elaborate skeleton key ringed with rubies and diamonds.

“You don’t see anything because the stones are encased in gold. Even seers can’t see through gold.”

“So many rules…”

“Yup, help me open this thing, would you?”

The lock clicked and they both got a grip on the handle. They pulled it up easily even though it was over a hundred pounds.

“I got the Incredible Hulk working for me,” she said.

“I’ll be the Incredible Blob if I don’t get a workout in soon.”

“This is your workout.”

She shined her light down a short staircase. It was newer than the rest of the building.

“The stone crypt was built in the 1960s. The dossier said it was waterproof…” Water was all over the floor.

“You might need to call a guy about resealing.”

Her flashlight began to flicker. It was dead a moment later.

“Great,” she said. The crypt was pitch black. “Hold this door open.”

He did.

She reached down into the vault and found a torch, pulled it out of its sconce and lit it with a Zippo.

She lit another torch and handed it to Uziel.

“Keep your guard up. I just put new batteries in that light. Ahriman may be close.”

“Down there?”

“Let’s hope,” she said as she descended the staircase.

He followed, vigilant.

<Episode 27 | Table of Contents | Episode 29>

New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday at 3 PM PDT!!