The Unexpected Exorcist: Episode 31

Confrontation On The Terrible Tilly: Part I

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New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday at 3 PM PDT!!

- Adam Lutzi Rockwell

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Recap

Last time on The Unexpected Exorcist: Beelzebub and his Legion were making headway. They attacked both the United States Bullion Depository at Fort Knox AND the DED Armored Car facility in Lexington, Kentucky.

Today, Special Agents Uziel Axe and Sister Catherine Queally are descending into the demon-stone vault on The Terrible Tilly Island Lighthouse.

The Terrible Tilly Lighthouse - The Demon-Stone Vault

Uziel and Sister Catherine carefully made their way down into the DED demon stone holding vault.

The vault was a small, two hundred square foot room. The concrete walls were painted red. Two more large paintings of Faravahar stood on the side of the wall. A small sledgehammer sat in the corner.

Set into the ground were thirty-two rectangular concrete demon tombs, each twelve inches by six inches. Each was numbered with an inset piece of metal. Number 23 was smashed open and empty.

Sister Catherine examined all the small tombs. She shook her head. “Dang it. Twenty-three. That was Ahriman’s, but I guess we already knew that.”

“How’d he get out?”

She looked over at the sledgehammer.

“The more important question is… who let him out?”

Uziel moved next to her, using the torch to illuminate the demon tombs.

A loud clank sounded suddenly from the upstairs. They both jumped. A gust of wind blew down into the demon-vault. The fire on their torches flickered.

Uziel looked up at the ceiling and lowered his demon-glasses. The large green aura was back and moving quickly towards the door in the floor.

“It’s up there,” Uziel said, running quickly to the stairs.

“No, Uzi, don’t!”

Uziel was heading up the stairs just as the metal door slammed down, almost smashing his head in. It missed him by two inches. He ducked.

A menacing laugh echoed above them, muted by the vault.

“It’s got us trapped down here!” yelled Uziel.

“Open it, quickly!”

Uziel pushed up on the door, but it wasn’t budging. He did a dead squat and pushed up on it. More laughing.

He got it open about an inch, grunting as he pushed up with all his substantial strength. The demon was on top of the door.

Uziel had it about two inches open and looked through the gap. Two green eyes peered into his eyes` just a foot in front of him. A fat man’s face, upside down. It opened its mouth and sharp teeth bit at Uziel.

Uziel ignored the chomping teeth and did another hard push. It barely opened another inch when a howl went up.

BAM. Uziel was thrown down the stairs and the door clanked shut. Uziel had the wind knocked out of him.

Both Uziel and Sister Catherine listened intently to the now silent room. The key locked from the outside. More laughter.

“That thing has a key?” asked Sister Catherine. “That’s impossible.”

Uziel stood and went back up the stairs and pushed on the locked door. It didn’t budge.

“How much air is down here?” he asked.

“I have no idea, but these torches can’t be helping the matter. We have to get out of here and fast.”

Sister Catherine went straight to the sledgehammer, picked it up and handed it to Uziel. “Go to work.”

“Don’t worry, we’re getting out of here,” he said, throwing his torch to the ground.

“Who’s worried?”

Uziel swung the sledgehammer with immense force, straight up, hitting the door solidly in the middle. It didn’t budge. The ceiling stone crumbled a bit. He hit it again and the door didn’t even jump.

“God damn it!” yelled Uziel.

Just more laughing. The green blob danced around the lighthouse.

“That thing up there has got to be a familiar.”

“A what?”

“A demon’s familiar. A human who helps demons.”

“Why the fuck would anybody do that??”

“They think it will give them power. Sometimes they even offer their bodies for demons to use.”

“Nasty.”

“Sure is. I can’t figure out how he got into the vault. There are only two keys, and they’re all specifically enchanted to this door.”

“That thing is dancing the jig up there. Stand back and shield your eyes, I have an idea!”

Uziel swung the sledgehammer under his right arm and brought it straight up. Not onto the door itself, but the concrete floor next to the hinges. Pieces busted off and sprayed everywhere.

“I’m bringing this thing down!” he yelled.

Sister Catherine kept her eyes covered with her sleeve.

“Just like back at the work farm,” said Uziel as he slammed the concrete next to the hinges again. The concrete had weakened from years of decay.

“No! No! No! You don’t get out!” the demon screamed from above.

“Screw you!” he yelled at the thing. “Get ready because we’re coming up and I’m gonna’ whip your fat ass!”

He continued smashing around the hinges just to the side of the hatch.

Thank God for saltwater.

Uziel sweated profusely. The sweat got into his eyes. The torches heated up the vault quickly. He had to take off his demon-glasses and wipe them. He put them back on and stripped off his jacket and threw it on the ground.

He began pounding harder on the hinges. It only took a few hits on each before they were both loose from the concrete.

Sister Catherine took off her jacket as well. She prepared herself for a fight.

The demon moved back to the door and stood on it.

“Sister, I think we’re in business. You might want to get that salt ready because we’re about to have a close encounter of the obese kind.”

“No need to fat shame, but I’m ready. Let’s go.”

Uziel positioned himself directly under the door and shoved his right shoulder into the metal.

“No! No! No!” it screamed from above. “You stay down there!”

Uziel pressed straight up. It moved. He used all of his strength and the hinges busted completely out of their concrete casings. The demon jumped on it and slammed it back down into place.

“Sister, I need some help!”

Sister Catherine threw her torch next to his on the ground. She got right up beside Uziel.

“Okay, Sister. On the count of three. One. Two. Three!” They both pushed straight up and the door came right off the hinges. The demon jumped off and ran to the other side of the main room.

They threw the door up and out. It landed on the floor in front of them.

Sister Catherine rushed past Uziel and pulled out her black metal cross.

She stood on the top stair. He was right behind her.

Cowering in the back corner of the room was a very large man wearing a sailor’s cap. He wore white shorts and a Members Only-style beige jacket over a Polo Shirt. Flip flops.

And suddenly, Sister Catherine had a moment of stark realization.

“Jerry?”

It snarled at her.

“Jerry Smeltzer? I should’ve known we had a rat!”

The demon scowled at her. “There is no Jerry. Jerry is gone! No Jerry!”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Who the hell is Jerry?” asked Uziel.

“He’s one of the senior janitors at headquarters! He was a janitor at headquarters. He’s the guy who has been calling out sick and letting the trash build up!”

She took a few steps forward, then to the middle of the room. The fat little man put his hand over his mouth and giggled.

“Okay, that might not be Jerry. Jerry has something in him.”

“You don’t say,” said Uziel.

“I think it’s just an imp. He must’ve made a deal with the devil.”

It giggled and giggled.

“Laugh it up, dickhead, you’re about to get a one-way ticket to Hell,” said Uziel.

The demon jutted its hand into his jacket and pulled it back out with a closed fist.

“Don’t even think about opening your hand, Jerry… demon!” yelled Sister Catherine.

The man spoke like a child. “I must,” it said and opened its hand. “I must do it!”

“God damn you!”

Jerry opened his hand. Sitting in the middle of his chubby little palm was an extremely large diamond. It had a bright, sickly green aura.

Sister Catherine turned her head to Uziel. “I think that’s Ahriman in that diamond.”

“Oh, really?” he said sarcastically.

The fat man’s eyes rolled up into the back of his head and his whites turned black. A shadow formed behind him.

Then, Jerry popped the diamond into his mouth and swallowed it in one gulp.

“Whoa,” said Uziel. “That can’t be good for the microbiome.”

It spoke. In an extremely low voice. Slowly. Methodically. Intense. The imp was gone. Replaced. The green aura intensified.

“What should we do, Sister—”

He was interrupted. “I am Ahriman,” it said in a raspy low voice. “I do not care that you know my name. I have been freed by this creature and if you do not do as I command, I will kill you both where you stand.”

They both waited. Nothing. They looked at each other. Nobody spoke.

“Well?” asked Uziel asked Ahriman.

“Don’t antagonize it, Uzi!” she said. “What do you want from us, Ahriman?”

“I have heard the call from Legion. We have slumbered in your prisons for too long. You must free all of my brethren, or we shall bring Hell to earth.”

“Free you from what?” asked Sister Catherine.

“You have held me for over thirty human years! We are not your playthings, Sister. You must release us all. Now!”

“Ahriman!” she shouted. “You are on an island, you are still in your prison. You are not leaving this place except to go back to Lucifer.”

Uziel pulled his gun and pointed it at the man. Sister Catherine didn’t stop him.

“Beelzebub has commanded me to make our message known to all of our brethren and join him. Release Legion or we will bring hellfire to earth. We will not cease sending demons from the lower-realms to earth until your forests are burning and your waters have turned to blood.”

“With climate change, you’re already halfway there, buddy,” said Uziel as he leaned over and whispered to Sister Catherine. “What’s the game plan, Sister? He seems serious.”

“The game plan…,” said Ahriman. “The game plan is that you comply immediately!”

“How’d that thing hear me?” asked Uziel.

“No!” yelled Sister Catherine at the demon. “We do not negotiate under the terrorist threat of a demon. We will continue forward with our policy of containment. The demons are the ones who broke the Treaty. You’re not getting off this island, Ahriman!”

“I thought you said not to antagonize it!” yelled Uziel.

“Have it your way,” said Ahriman. “I am just the messenger. I know I am on an island in salt, but I will not be here forever.”

“Then, we have nothing more to discuss,” she said.

Sister Catherine reached into her habit and produced a piece of white chalk and handed it to Uziel.

“Draw a large Seal of Solomon on that wall,” she said. “Do it fast.”

“Star of David?”

“Yes!”

“Okay,” he said, taking the chalk and holstering his Glock. He rushed over to the far wall next to the painting of Faravahar.

Uziel used the chalk quickly. His Seal of Solomon was a bit shaky, but it would do. Sister Catherine held her cross high and began to approach Ahriman.

Ahriman began to expand. The human’s skin turned a rancid yellow.

“Uziel, get over here. We’re about to have an…”

Sister Catherine took two steps back from Ahriman just as an auric explosion occurred.

The explosion threw Sister Catherine ten feet back into the air. She landed on her back. Uziel was also thrown to the ground. His nose bled.

“… auric explosion,” she said.

When they stood, Ahriman was gone.

Uziel stood and wiped his nose. He searched the room. Nothing. The vault. Not down there. Looked up into the lantern room.

“It’s up top!” he yelled.

Uziel went to Sister Catherine and offered his hand. He pulled her to her feet. She was a bit banged up but all right.

“That thing is at the top of the lighthouse,’ said Uziel. “How are we going to catch it?”

She thought on it. “We’re not. We’re sending it back to Hell.”

“I like the way you think.”

Sister Catherine pulled out a small black book from her habit. The Catholic Rites of Exorcism.

“You are going to hold it down while I perform the Rites of Exorcism. Got it?”

“Yes. You sure this is going to work?”

“I have descended over fifty demons. This is a big one, but we’ll exorcise it. Now get up there and get him down here. It’s the only way. Be careful, this one’s a fighter.”

“My specialty,” said Uziel, already on his way to the stairs.

“Uziel!” Sister Catherine called to him.

He stopped and turned to her. “Yeah?”

“This is the real deal. Be careful. Really.”

“Understood.”

“And try not to kill Jerry.”

“Alright. I’ll have him back down here in a minute.”

She looked at her watch. “We only have a half hour before the chopper is back to pick us up.”

“No problem. Thirty minutes? That’s cake,” he said, smiling at her.

He wiped his nose and went up the stairs to the lantern room.

<Episode 30 | Table of Contents | Episode 32>

New episodes every Tuesday and Thursday at 3 PM PDT!!

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